Finally found somewhere go last night. After a few listless drinks at the pub down the road, Ben and Nicholas and I went to his apartment and had a midnight swim with Bree. The pool was disturbingly warm, but the view is nice from up there. Ben and I consumed a heavenly Turkish pizza in record time. Watched a bit of Gremlins, but by this time I was flagging and had to go home.

I have just finished watching the 1500th birthday episode of Video Hits, the highlight of which was a live performance of 'Push It' by Salt n' Pepa. Is there anyone out there who didn't spend the Saturday mornings of their childhood and/or teens watching Video Hits, or tapes of Rage? I remember that Vanessa and I started watching VH in 1989, I think, when 'The Look' was number one. We weren't allowed to listen to pop music when we were kids, so we used to hide in her bedroom with our ears pressed to her ghetto blaster, listening to Roxette and tapes made from 2day FM. I told my mum about this years later and she seemed surprised. She laughed, I think. Maybe the devil's music wasn't forbidden after all. I think that we just assumed that it was off-limits. But that made it ten times more fun.

I think i'll go buy some shoes now.

Bored, tired, listless. Wanting to go out but cannot think of anywhere I feel like going. Hungry but cannot be bothered hunting and gathering something for dinner. Must eat, I think I'm losing weight again. Nicholas is coming over, it will be good to have some company. Some more company, that is. Have spent the past hour playing with my new curling iron. I think that it will take a bit of practice, probably more practice for me than it would for a normal person, as I have a remarkable lack of aptitude when it comes to matters of grooming. If only there were a course I could take. 'How to be a girl'. I've got all the dresses, all the shoes, all the jewellery, yet I lack the skills and vision to put it all together.

Maybe I just need more dresses. Yep, that's it.

I look strange and unfamiliar when I try to dress like a 'woman'. I just put on my favourite dress (black with red cherries, knee-length, halter neck, relatively tight) with a pair of fire engine red heels that I bought at some bargain store about a year ago. On anyone else, it would be a stunning outfit. On me, it looked rather like a little girl playing dress-ups in her big sister's clothes. Maybe I need to wean myself out of wearing my hair in pigtails.

I've worn my hair in pigtails since I was a little girl. I never grew out of them. I wore them right through high school. There was a brief period after I cut my hair when it was too short for pigtails, so I had to make do without. As soon as it grew long enough, pigtails again.

The real date of this post: Jan 1 2004. About 4pm. this blog works on US time.
A lazy day. It was never going to be anything else, really. Doesn't take long for the forced excitement and activity of New Year's Eve to dissolve into the bland nothingness of New Year's Day. My least favourite public holiday. Woke up at about 11 with the mother of all hangovers, cliched splitting headache and all. And I was starving. My stomach felt as though it was caving in on itself. I suppose it's not surprising, seeing that all i'd eaten since 2.30pm yesterday was three vegetarian sausage rolls. Unable to eat last night, too much soft drink. Went to the kitchen, fetched bowl of grapes, lay in bed eating them (too weak to sit up). Got up a bit later, staggered around making coffee, realising too late that the last thing I needed was yet more stimulants. Went on a drive to the shops with Ben in search of food. Not much was open, but I managed to walk away with a spinach pie from the MFC. Ben scored 2 toasted cheese and tomato sandwiches and a cheese and spinach pie. Felt the need to keep moving to stave off the usual New Year depression (Happy New Year!!!!) so we went to Leichhardt pool. I felt too seedy to care that my swimsuit is 2 sizes too big and gives me a rather saggy-baggy-elephant-like appearance. I swam for a pathetic 10 minutes before I was forced to bow out, gasping and weak-legged, to lie on my towel in the shade and watch kids attempting to dive off the 3 metre board. I have never been a good swimmer. Ben stayed in a bit longer. He's got stamina.

I spent my New Year's Eve at Nicholas' rooftop party, which turned out to be a very nice evening. Drank copious amounts of god-knows-what, went on laps of the rooftop, realised that after it got dark you could see straight into the windows of a few rooms at the Rydges Hotel opposite. Watched for a while in case anything sordid and interesting happened, but nothing did. There was a family watching TV in one of the rooms. I wondered if they had hired out the hotel room as a fun, different way to spend NYE, and if so, why on earth they chose the Rydges Camperdown. Fireworks, schmireworks. Had three or four strange men give me sloppy New Year's kisses. One came back for seconds. He informed me that my glasses 'really work for me'. I replied that this was a good thing, as I can't see without them.

It's strange how people comment on my glasses. To me, they're just a part of my face.


It started to rain, big fat drops, and we gathered up our things and scurried downstairs to Nicholas's apartment. By this stage I was feeing rather morose. Exhausted, hungry, yet unable to sleep or eat. Quite aggressive and argumentative, as well, which for me is unusual. We hung around for a while, most people out on the balcony talking. I stayed inside as a precautionary measure, in case the boiling nastiness in my stomach bubbled to the surface. Had a brief go of Nicholas' new midi keyboard. After 10 years of piano lessons, all I can play from memory is a bad walking blues bass line and half a Bach fugue. Perhaps I should start carrying sheet music around with me to social gatherings so that I can impress with keyboard skills when the opportunity arises.

Ben and I were the first to leave. Always the boring old farts. Miraculously, I fell asleep almost instantly, with my arms wrapped around Ben for dear life, desperately trying to absorb some of his drunken calm.

A most successful day. Originally I feared that it might be one of those terrible days ridden with bad fortune, but it turned itself around quite nicely. I stayed up late watching 'Leaving Las Vegas' last night (incidentally, I didn't think it was worth the sleep deprivation caused by watching it. Seemed to me to be a poor imitation of 'Barfly'). As a result, I was unable to drag myself out of bed this morning until about half an hour later than normal. Ran around getting ready etc, power-walked up to the bus stop, only to see the 440 whizz past as I waited at the lights. So I was late for work. For the past few weeks, I've been going to work through Leichhardt (bus to Rozelle, then to Gladesville) rather than going through the city. The main reason for this change is the fact that, whenever I get the bus from the city, I end up having to talk to work colleagues all the way to Gladesville. It's not that I don't like them, it's just that I am never in a state to hold coherent, polite conversations at 7.30am. I like to catch the bus to work in solitude. It gives me time to stare out the window at the mouldy old Victoria Road scenery and think about all manner of things. So, I now get on the Gladesville bus in Rozelle. If I board it with my head down and find a seat quickly, I can successfully avoid awkward conversation. This morning, Nick was on the bus too, so I sat next to him. Nick's different though, he is a friend as well as a colleague, therefore the 'avoid-all colleagues' rule did not apply. We went and got coffee from Muffin Break before work. Nick also bought a cheesymite scroll from Bakers Delight. He is completely obsessed with these particular baked items. I can't understand the appeal, being an un-Australian Vegemite-hating kind of person.

I left work at one and met Vanessa in Marrickville. We then went on an excursion to the Supre factory outlet. So many bargains. For $23.50, I purchased:
1. Black circle skirt, identical to one I used to have but ruined with a massive iron-burn mark on the front
2. Black and white polka dot singlet
3. White polo shirt type thing with black sleeve trim and collar
4. and, for pure novelty value, a pair of grey tracksuit-style hotpants with pink racing stripes down the sides. I'm wearing them now and feeling most sporty.

After that, I went home and made a shopping list, which is one of my favourite ways to pass time. I go though all of my recipe books and work out what I want to cook during the week, then scope out the kitchen cupboards to see what ingredients are required, then compile a list divided up into separate categories for fruit & veg, grocery items and non-edible things such as toilet paper and the like. And then I lazed about on the couch reading Microserfs. I gave it to Ben for Christmas and have been sneakily reading his present while he's not home. Sly.

Photos of tofurky coming soon.